What We Want:
We want all the weird you can bring us as long as it has a purpose; we feel that balance between experimentation, boldness, gall, and straight up chutzpah should be the most important element of the work, but it should never overshadow aesthetic, discipline, and completion of executed plan.
​
The reason anyone watches a Caper film is to watch the near heist go down despite all the chaos that ensues; the real reason to listen to a drunk story is to hear how you ended up in one piece; the real reason to hear a knock knock joke is to figure out what stupid thing you’ve just said that’s about to be used against you.
​
The reason we’re going to read your writing is because you’re so madcap, we’re amazed you pulled it off so beautifully.
​
That being said: we want the best you can offer of every strange out there genre, form, subject matter, or experimental form you can invent. We want you to have just the right recipe between total sheets to the wind and complete masterminding control. This is risking a lot, but here’s the deal: we want to read it.
​
We want to read the sexy, sleazy, druggy, strange, weird, damaged, corrupted, cut up, put back together, the fantastic, the sinister, the scummy, the futuristic, the trippy, the mad, the off the chain, off the wall, off the radar work that challenges all the boundaries.
​
We want women writers, writers of all ethnicities, LGBTQIAA+ writers, Neuroatypical writers, disabled writers, activist writers, recovering addict writers, still struggling addict writers, homeless writers, prisoner writers, punk writers, impoverished writers, abuse survivor writers, writers with, simply put, dangerous minds...but everyone is welcome.
​
We want trippy visual artists as well. We want trippy digital artists, glitch artists, computer artists, video artists, tattoo artists, street artists, photographers, collage artists, brut artists, untrained artists or those who have simply landed on that side of aesthetics.
​
We want to read every genre under the sun. We want horror, splatterpunk, cyberpunk, slipstream, cut ups, fold ins, found, experimental, existential, meta, cross genre, gonzo, weird fiction, science fiction, fantasy fiction, crime, cop, noir, suspense, gore, sex, mental illness, addiction, political humor, satire, sarcasm, we want to read something so real it makes fiction pale in comparison.
​
We want nonfiction, videos, essays, photo essays, photos, art, comics, and all types of weird toys and games. We want to ask how the f*ck you just did that. Bring em on.
​
If you have made something that is so weird you don’t think that anyone is ever going to look at it, there’s a very good chance that we will.
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
What we DON’T WANT:
​
Werewolves, Vampires, Zombies: It’s not like these aren’t great genres, we’ve just read too much already. Now, if your Zombies are feeding off toxic waste and are posing as your average DMV worker, we might reconsider. But how about giving gnomes a try?
​
Pornography: Listen up, son, there’s a huge difference between reading some well written erotica and reading the back of a sleazy exploitative barely legal bare back babes porno mag. If you’re going to write something that’s pure banging, groaning and money shots, it should be a cut up or satirical.
​
Staring at the Ceiling Characters: We’re all artists, and we all have crippling depression. But if you stay in bed that long, you’re going to start hallucinating if not make yourself seriously ill. If your character spends any more than the first paragraph or two staring at the ceiling watching his or her cigarette smoke rise...moving on.
​
Soap Box Writing: Know the difference between political humor and simply telling us how to think as though we’re kindergarteners. We all know what happens when you treat your audience like they're stupid, or you're about to learn.
​
“I’m Oppressed” writing: I know you are; so are the six editors at Hockspitslurp. We’re misgendered, body shamed, tone policed, objectified, predated upon, silenced, and submitted to many other stereotypes, sometimes all in the same day. We’re not saying that your oppression is not real because it is; but if that’s all you’ve got in your writing, we’re simply going to crave something more. Allow your writing to be influenced and driven by that oppression, but not ruled by it.
​
“I’m Drunk/High” writing: Some very few artists have supposedly created profoundly great works while high or otherwise intoxicated, but it’s not likely that you’re one of them. Sober up and then give it a shot. At least wait unitl your hangover is wearing down.
​
Romance: No real reason, sorry, we’re arbitrary, but we just cannot read it. If you want some characters to fall in love in a story that’s predominantly of another genre, good work, do it. But simply put, we’re not going to read romance fiction.
​
Depressed Teenagers: I KNOW you’re depressed, so was I well into my 20s’, cripplingly so. I'm still depressed. But if you think that tearing the latest weepy, dark, tear jerking scribble from your notebook is going to impress me, you need to keep working Now, if you’re depressed (and slightly older than teenage) and have a deeper, more intricate statement to make on the point, by all means, submit.
*also, if you're depressed, please, oh my god, do not put me in the position of having to cope with a threat in the form of a piece of writing. Please call the hotline instead:
​
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
​
1-800-273-8255
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
​
​
Essay Prose: Should be under essay, and in nonfiction. If it's anywhere else, its not gonna fly.
​
Torture Porn: Yes, we allow gore. Yes, we allow erotica. We'll probably allow gorerotica. We also read and consider all typically reprehensible combinations of both. There’s quite a bit of gray area here. Simply put, if your writing is a How To on how to be a bloodthirsty sociopath (and there’s no clear bloodthirsty sociopath character involved), I’m going to deny it. Be glad I’m not calling for a wellness check. If you don’t know what that is, believe me, you don’t want it.
​
Damsels in Distress: if your main character is a woman and has many problems who are all magically solved by a man, or if your main character is a man who goes around simply transforming their lives by the power of his presence (and other things)…no. Unless of course that man is a super villain using his powers for evil. If there’s a similar man who has all his problems solved by a woman…same issue. It doesn’t do much to do the queer versions of this age old unrealistic genre: we’re still not going to accept it. It’s boring. It’s sexist. It’s bad writing.
​
Fadeout Sex: You know how in old timey movies that they would fade out just as the couple was going to get busy? You shouldn’t do that in your writing. If you’re going to write about sex, by all means, write about it, and do it with all the passion and pleasure that you’d write anything else. If you’re just inserting sex to get my attention, well, it worked, but not the way you wanted it to.
Hate Speech: If you don’t know what it is, go read about your own 1st amendment rights, and learn what is and is not protected speech. We’re pretty sure you’ll know what we’re saying then.
It’s important to make a distinction…if your character is any form of sexist, heterophobic, homophobic, misogynist, transphobic, racist, ageist, ableist, ageist, etc, that doesn’t mean that you are. It doesn’t mean art that brings attention to the issues is essentially exploitative.
However, if your character does have those beliefs as part of their character, if there isn’t legitimate development and character complexity, we’re going to be suspicious. If your non-main characters are stereotypes of their race, gender, sexual orientation, age, etc., we’re really going to be suspicious.
This doesn’t mean that we’re going to reject you, but it should go without saying that the more you push this envelope, the more you’re going to make us suspicious. Don’t tempt us.
​
​
​
Nitty Gritty:
Alright, here’s the easy part.
For legal purposes, due to the content that we publish, you must be 18 or older to submit to this journal.
Format: Doc, docx, or pdf please.
Poetry: Up to three poems, no more than 50 lines each; single spaced or doubled, 12 pt. Courier or Times New Roman PLEASE. That’s more than enough to wow us. Shorter pieces have a better chance.
Fiction: One story/excerpt up to 5,000 words, or up to three flash fiction pieces (1,000 words or less). Make every word count (PUNS!). Double space it, number those pages, 12 pt. standard Courier or Times New Roman PLEASE. Shorter pieces have a better chance at publication.
Cross Genre/Cut Ups/Experimental/Found/Whatever: Please send no more than 10 pages, and don’t make us go blind. Use your judgment.
Art: Send up to 10 images; jpg is ideal. You know what’s awesome? Photography essays in ten images or less.
Video: We can handle up to 10 minutes of video, but please submit only one video per submission period.
​
How To:
​
Simultaneous Submissions: Yes, if you tell us about it in advance and let us know immediately when it’s been accepted elsewhere. Or everyone involved is in trouble, you, us, and your parole officers. I’m not kidding.
​
Acceptance: If we accept your work, you grant us this:*
FIRST NORTH AMERICAN SERIAL RIGHTS (FNASR)
When you sell FNASR, you are selling a publication the right to be the first in North America to publish the material once. Then, unless you've granted other rights or licenses as well, all copyright to that material reverts back to you.
AND
INTERNET RIGHTS
The right to publish your work on the Internet or via e-mail (as in an e-mail newsletter). Unlike electronic rights, Internet rights do not grant a publisher the right to reproduce your work on CD-ROM or another physical electronic device.
​
As you can see, it's pretty dang important you know what rights belong to whom, okay? If you have an quetsions, please ASK.
​
Trigger Warnings: Due to the content that this journal publishes, we advise you to use any trigger warnings you might think that our editors might want before reading. This is not to censor your work, but for us to know what to expect. And believe you me, we have some strong stomachs. However, if you don’t feel comfortable with this practice, please don’t do it.
Deadlines: The deadlines are final. Don’t fight, don’t bitch, it’s a goddamn deadline, this is not your high school chem class, no, you cannot turn it in tomorrow. And no, we do not accept any documents any other time.
Prompts: Yes, friends, there is an additional thing to know at the end of this endless list of things to know, but it’s a crucial point: there is a theme to each reading period. You can address the theme or element any way that you can, but it must inspire your piece in some way or else your piece will immediately be discarded. The prompts that we give you will be broad enough to encompass many interpretations.
Ready to submit?
​
Love of god, read it over, read it aloud, read it in the mirror, read it to your friends or your dog, proofread it, even spelling and grammar check it. We’re not proofread Nazis and every piece has mistakes in it, but love of god, please, do the bare minimum.
​
Make sure your format is doable; if your format is ‘unique’ please do this in pdf. We’ll be sending you quick checks on all our final edits, but please make sure that your formatting is not so crazy we have to hire a shrink.
Submit to us only once every reading period; we expect to have many submissions, so we can only handle ONE submission to ONE category for each author every reading period. Please include genre, the number of pieces, and piece titles in your email subject line; do not add your name.
Here's an example:
Poetry_3_Poems_Monday Night; Payday; You Can Take Everything But My Goldfish
Please attach your documents in Doc, PDF or Docx. If it's a photo, jpg or png. If it's a video of other video work, upload to YouTube on Private and share the link with us. These submissions are blind reviewed. I know you love us, and we love you, but we can’t play favorites.
When you’re accepted:
A couple things will happen.
We’ll ask for you bio, for an author photo (I know this is hockspitslurp, but we are asking you to please keep your photos clean), a clean social media profile (if desired). If you wish to link us to an audio file of you reading your work, please do, and we'll include that, too.
As of now, you’llget no money (will change if my kickstarter is a blinding success). But if we do, it will be a small amount, such as $5 per poem, art piece, or computer art game, story, prose piece, etc. Please have a paypal account where we can reward you.
Ready? Now submit to us! *whip crack*
